Dating Rant

Okay. In the context of my talking about my sister’s recent nuptials, someone had some "helpful advice” today about my long-standing singleness, indicating that they seemed to consider it an unfortunate and pitiable circumstance, and one in need of repair. Well meaning, yes, but...grrrrrrr…

I need to rant. SOOooooo here goes…

Really?...Really?…Is that all you think there is for me? To wait around like a helpless Bridget Jones in suspense for my “Mr. Darcy” character to come save me from my humdrum existence? As though, if I didn’t have self-worth before a man came along, I suddenly will once he does? As though the most worthy use of my time, my main focus in life should be my appearance and not having any annoying mannerisms so that I can appear attractive to men? Acquire men? …..please men?

Who are these men to me, that I should need to please them? Tell me, what credentials do they have, what are their qualifications, that I should rank their opinions as ones that count? Are they psychologists, that they should be fit judges of whether I’m “normal” or “weird”? Are they career counselors, that I should hum and haw and fret over telling them what I actually dream of doing with my life, and be embarrassed of my present job situation? Are they world-class musicians, that I should be terrified to sing or play my instruments in front of them? Do they teach table manners at a finishing school? Are they dieticians or nutrition experts? Why should I be terrified to enjoy my food with wild abandon in their presence? What attributes do these people possess, besides a penis, that I should bend myself to their whims?  Why should I worry that I laugh too easily, speak too loudly, dance too crazily, daydream too frequently? Why fret about my hair being too short and my sentences too long? Why should I worry that I sound “too smart”, too “intimidating”, too “unapproachable”?

I can’t seem to flirt. You know why I think it is? I cannot reconcile myself to the fact that in order to get a guy to ask me out on a date, I have to begin under the premise of behaving as though I am significantly less intelligent than I actually am. If your jokes aren’t funny, I’m not going to fake a laugh. If I honestly don’t care what your favourite drink is, I’m not going to ask. You won’t catch me flipping my hair and twisting a strand as I try to catch your eye – I’ve cut it way too fucking short to flip, and if you’re not looking at me already, then what’s the point of trying to make you? I won’t hold your attention anyways.

The fact is, I am single because I have yet to date a man that seems capable of treating me any better than - or even on par with - the way I treat myself in my alone time. Why would I waste my time with someone who makes me feel shittier and lonelier than I do when I'm alone? I have yet to meet someone that can make me feel even close to as good as I feel when I’m totally alone, doing my own thing. What do you mean, I should date more? I date all the time. I'm friggin good at this dating thing - I take myself on better dates than any man ever has! Myself and I go swing dancing. I take myself out to random films at the gorgeous old theatre, and out for long walks in the rain in the park. I go on picnics with me. I go to concerts I like, I serenade myself with songs I enjoy. I may even work myself up to buying myself flowers sometime. God knows I already buy myself enough chocolate.

So forgive me if I’m not ready to dump myself for a fella just yet. :P