Dear Elderly Couple in the Balcony Above Me,
Hello. Based on the sounds emanating from the stuccoed ceiling above
my patio, you are not aware of this, but I am the person staying beneath you.
I am fully aware that as a single, childless, non-golfing woman approximately thirty
to fifty years younger than the vast majority of the couples who presently
occupy this lovely resort, I am an anomaly in my present environment. Naturally, I have felt out of place at a few points during my stay. You are not aware of this, but the activities you have chosen to
occupy yourselves this evening have made me feel even more so.
I am accustomed to hearing the sounds of drunken
conversation, stumbling, and what I assume are glasses being filled with
alcoholic beverages and being subsequently knocked over.
When produced by people nearer to my own age, I can tolerate
these sounds with, at best, a good humoured chuckle, and at worst, a state of
mild to moderate irritation.
However (with my sincerest apologies for my discrimination
against the elderly) when these disturbances in my audible atmosphere are being
produced by couples of your age group, I find them disturbing and slightly
alarming.
Perhaps I do not appreciate the musical stylings of Barry
White, but as the first song began to play, a great ball of unease began to
grow in the pit of my stomach. By the third, after I had confirmed that it was not a mere fluke of the shuffle feature on someone's stereo, or someone playing it to seek ironic laughter, and someone was in fact
playing a Barry White album, I was thrown into a full blown state of
panic. The several loud thuds followed by the sounds of faint giggling which accompanied the music severely exacerbated this.
I can only hope as I beat a hasty retreat back into my suite
that the sounds of your subsequent activities will no longer be audible once I
close the patio door.
Please. For the love of God.
Sincerely,
Me
